What Women Wish They Had Been Told, But Did Not HearEvery woman who has difficulties breastfeeding a baby will have a different experience. And every woman who has difficulties breastfeeding a baby will need different things from those who surround them. But all women who have difficulties breastfeeding require support, compassion, and empathy. Accurate information is also crucial in order to make it work- especially if you are having difficulties. Below is a compilation of ideas shared by women who have had difficulty establishing breastfeeding with their babies and many of whom decided to exclusively pump when they found themselves unable to breastfeed. These are the things they wish they had been told, the things they wish they knew going into the experience, and the things they needed to hear. · Exclusively pumping is a viable option if breastfeeding does not work out. The term “exclusively pumping” is rarely mentioned in breastfeeding books and not often suggested by lactation and medical professionals when a woman is having difficulty breastfeeding. It is also difficult to search for information on the subject without knowing the term that is most often used. · You are not alone! Breastfeeding is challenging for many mothers and babies. Reach out and find support. Locate internet discussion boards for breastfeeding women, exclusively pumping women, or women who have been unable to breastfeed. Go into your community and find breastfeeding support groups: La Leche League, local health units, hospitals, etc. · There are two sides to every breastfeeding relationship: mother and baby. You can not control the behaviour of both sides. · It is not your fault! Sometimes you can do everything right and for unknown reasons, it just does not work out.
· Trust your body and your baby. It is rare for a woman not to establish a milk supply if nature is allowed to take its course. Some helpful things to remember: Ø Do not schedule feedings. Allow your baby to nurse as soon as possible after delivery. Allow your baby to nurse on demand as frequently as s/he wants. A baby may want to nurse for short periods every hour or nurse for longer stretches every two to three hours. Whatever your baby wants is normal; don’t limit feedings. Ø You do not need to supplement a newborn. Colostrum is more than sufficient and is, in fact, the perfect food for a newborn baby. Just a small amount of colostrum delivers a large dose of antibodies and is very high in fat and energy. As long a baby is nursing on demand and has no health concerns, supplementation with formula should not be necessary. Supplementation with formula instead of nursing can negatively impact your milk supply and can make breastfeeding difficult. If you must supplement for medical reasons, you should also be double pumping with a high quality breast pump to maintain frequent stimulation and protect your milk supply. Ø It may take several days for your milk supply to increase, but this does not indicate a problem. The idea of your milk “coming in” is very misleading. You will have milk- colostrum- when your baby is born. It is not mature milk and you will not have a large volume of it, but trust your body! You have what is perfect for your baby at the right time. Ø The amount of milk you pump- or not being able to express milk- is not an indication of how your supply is doing when breastfeeding. There is no need for a breast pump if you are breastfeeding! Unless you need to use a pump to augment breastfeeding with a baby who is having difficulties, do not even use a pump until you have breastfeeding well established and are comfortable with it. Trust your body and your baby. Ø Not all women feel their let-down. If your baby is getting milk- any amount of milk- you are having a let-down. You will not necessarily let-down in both breasts at the same time, therefore, if you are breastfeeding and do not leak from the breast you are not feeding from, this does not mean you are not letting-down. Ø Not all women experience the same degree of engorgement during the first few weeks of breastfeeding. Do not think that because you do not have severe engorgement that this means you do not have milk. While it can, sometimes, indicate a problem, if your baby is feeding and having the required wet and dirty diapers during the day, there is no problem with your supply. Ø It may take a few weeks for a newborn to feed comfortably from both breasts. Be patient and keep offering both sides, but if your baby will not feed from one side, pump to ensure you are stimulating that side sufficiently and to maintain the supply in that breast. · The first few days and weeks are critical to establishing a strong milk supply. Frequent nursing or pumping is absolutely necessary. A baby’s feeding pattern- frequent, but often short, nursing sessions- are perfect. · Things do change. Breastfeeding changes as the baby gets older. Sometimes it gets easier or things just “click”. · Be patient. Anything worth achieving is worth working towards and waiting for. Sometimes it takes time. Keep your time in perspective. While you’re in the midst of it, it can feel like an eternity, but you will get through this! · Your relationship with your child is not defined by how you feed your baby or by whether things work out as expected. · Breastfeeding is something that both mom and baby must learn. It is natural and instinctual to feed a child at your breast and for a baby to seek out his mother’s breast to nurse, but the actual mechanics of breastfeeding must be learned.
· Not being able to breastfeed, when you expected to, is a loss and you may need to grieve that loss. · Formula is not an enemy and in certain situations is absolutely necessary. The risks associated with formula feeding have been well documented, but there are times when formula is needed. When exclusively pumping, it is sometimes necessary to supplement with formula. · Your baby is not rejecting you if s/he is refusing to latch. It is easy, especially with the hormonal changes affecting your body post-partum, to feel very emotional and allow things to affect you personally. But try not to internalize the problems you are having but instead simply look at them as a problem that needs to be solved. It is not a problem with you or your baby- just a problem · Don’t give up on breastfeeding until you have exhausted all of your resources- information, mental, and physical. There is no guilt if you have done everything you can, although you may still feel a sense of loss, sadness, and regret. · While in a perfect world breastfeeding is rarely impossible, you are limited by the knowledge you have, the support that surrounds you, and the stresses and situations of your daily life. You don’t have to look far to find someone who was not able to breastfeed and to hear the stories of poor support and information that women have received. · It is okay to ask for help! Indeed, you owe it to your baby to do so.
· The risk of post-partum depression increases with additional stress. Be watchful. Breastfeeding difficulties, a baby in the NICU, an ill baby- all these things can increase the risk. · Husbands, family, and friends need to know how difficult and emotional it can be to work at establishing breastfeeding. They need to know how best to support mom and baby.
· Specific situations can make breastfeeding more difficult (eg. prematurity, cleft palate). Knowing that it is possible can encourage you to continue your efforts, but knowing the statistics- the fact that it is more difficult, sometimes very rare, and sometimes impossible- can help you through the grieving process. · Stress can make a difficult situation even worse. Sometimes taking a step back and regrouping is necessary in order to move on. · Recognize that breastfeeding is not always an all or nothing proposition and that exclusively pumping is not the end of breastfeeding. Pumping can be used to maintain your milk supply while you work at resolving the difficulties you are facing breastfeeding and many women who exclusively pump continue to comfort nurse their babies. · You are making the right choice for your baby and your family. · You have the strength to get through this. · It’s okay if things don’t work out as you expected or planned. · Find a qualified, board certified lactation consultant, preferably prior to your due date. Meet with her before your baby is born and keep her number handy after your baby is born. Use the number! Even if you think things are going well, it can often be beneficial to have someone with experience watch a nursing session and offer support and encouragement or to help fix minor problems before they become big problems. · Feed your baby! This is paramount. When all is said and done, your baby must eat. Do not lose sight of what is most important- a growing, healthy baby. · Every breastfeeding experience is different. Having difficulties with one baby does not mean that you will have difficulties with another baby. Don’t let a challenging experience impact your efforts to breastfeed another child. Many women who have exclusively pumped with one baby have had very fulfilling breastfeeding relationships with subsequent children. Support from Those Surrounding a New Mother
Sometimes it can be difficult to know what to say to a new mother who is having a difficult time establishing breastfeeding. Emotions are high and exhaustion is never ending. Here are some specific suggestions for what to say to support a new mother:
While moral support is extremely important for a woman who is experiencing difficulties breastfeeding, concrete information and support is vital:
5 Responses to “What Women Wish They Had Been Told, But Did Not Hear” Leave a Reply |
 
 
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September 1st, 2009 at 9:51 am
I am so pleased to have found this website (thank you for taking the time to do this) - my baby won’t latch and I have been devastated. Through determination I have just started to express my milk, however there is not enough of a supply yet to forfil my babies needs, so I have supplemented some feeds with formula to get ahead of myself. I have just learned to use the breast pump however I only have a few oz’s a time. Do you have any suggestions on how to increase my milk and if so how much time do I allow between pumping and how long do I pump for? I would really appreciate some help as I am desperate to continue to feed my baby breast milk. I would really appreciate some advice as my lactation consultant said that it won’t last long (me expressing) before my milk will run dry. Many thanks
November 4th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
I had trouble with latching in the beginning but breastfeeding took off. What no body told me is that even if you have a wonderful supply, it can all go awry. At 4 mos pp, I had a milk shutdown (6-8oz easy to 1/2oz). My baby dropped precentiles and was fussy all the time. I had to pump all the time as well as let the baby suck(non nutritive, he never took in enough after that) to get my supply back up, and even then it was only maybe 1 1/2 oz. I miss the ease of breastfeeding but to make sure my baby was fine I had to bottle it all. With herbs I brought it back up to 2 oz. but I still have trouble. No matter what you do, life can throw you a ball from left field.
January 10th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
I am so glad I found this site. I tried for months to breastfeed my baby and couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. She would just arch her back and cry. We recently found out that she aspirates thin fluids into her lungs and cannot breast or bottle feed normally. I am now EPing so that a thickener can be added to my milk, so my baby can safely drink it. I was so thankful to find this site and learn that other mothers are pumping just as much as I am in order to give their babies the best milk possible!
February 8th, 2010 at 7:15 pm
It’s so great to find a web site dedicated to EP. I decided to EP after latching problems. I wish I had found this site sooner - great advice.
Something I would like to add is to get a LC based on recommendation if possible. I had a bad experience with several LCs who insisted that tongue clipping my son was the only answer to breastfeeding. One of them unintentionally pushed me into a debilitating anxiety attack. Be sure you consult with a LC who is open-minded to exclusive pumping. Sadly some LCs have an agenda, which is to breastfeed a baby at all costs - particularly at the expense of a new mother’s sanity.
As my pediatrician told me, it is better to formula feed and be a happy, well-adjusted mother than a mother who is emotionally falling apart trying to breastfeed.
February 11th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Hi Katherine,
You are absolutely right about finding a good LC. As with any profession, you will find good,knowledgeable LCs and ones that are not as knowledgeable. It is often difficult for others who have not experienced the raw emotions of difficulty breastfeeding to truly understand and recognizing the “breaking point” of everyone is different. And finding the support you need at this point in time can be challenging and only add to the stress you are experiencing.
Even I struggle with the balance between supporting EPing and breastfeeding. I truly believe breastfeeding is the best option, and yet I know it is not going to work out for everyone- it didn’t for me the first time! Supporting each woman where they are at is what is important. I had a LC tell me that it was okay to give up and feed formula when my son was only at his due date (he was born 9 weeks preemie). This isn’t what I needed to hear at the time. I needed someone to tell me they would work with me and figure it out. Too often, those who work with new moms forget to stop and ask what it is the mother needs.
At the same time though, while I understand your pediatrician’s intent behind the comment, I think it is sending a false message. I think it would be far better to have a society and culture that supports breastfeeding, a society where women who so desparately want to feed their babies as nature intended did not have to beg for accurate, meaningful assistance. There is no fault on us as women when breastfeeding doesn’t work out, but there is a huge blame to be placed on our society and the things we as a society chooses to place in positions of importance. I so long for every women who has been unable to breastfeed to refocus their guilt and saddness over that lost relationship into anger and demand changes be made.
I hear from so many women who want to breastfeed, who do all the right things- classes, consultations with LCs, etc.- and yet it doesn’t work out. There is a problem with the system and with the kind of information that is being shared and the way this information is being presented.
I’ll get off my soapbox for now!